TV Show Reviews You Didn't Ask For
Summer 2019
First off, this photo is not me, I found it online on some adderal induced google search and here we are. I think after searching some generic "tv show reviews" image search, I somehow landed here and the photo description was legit "white male hand bachelor pad amazon fire stick" or some other unintentionally racist, demeaning title (yeah this is not sponsored. I just didn't want you thinking I had some 2007 Direct TV remote.) Also who takes these photos? Is this a hand model career choice? A side gig? how does one get into this profession? also, can we address the awkward shelving unit uncomfortably high to the right of the TV? I'm no interior designer, but what TLC trading space decorative mishap is this? Great thumb photo though. I know you didn't ask for this, (but I SO could pull the cliche blogger "everyone has been asking me" move right now, right?!?) but I wanted to entertain you with my unrequested TV show reviews for Summer of 2019, because someone needs to hear them. So get ready to press play to these top choices prior to a wild night of Netflix and Chill or fellatio with your one night stand. (because what else are you going to watch now that The Office is leaving Netflix?!?!)
Big Little Lies (Season 2)
While the first season of Big Little Lies had me at the edge of my seat needing a Xanax almost every episode, the most riveting thing to happen in season 2 thus far, is Jane's hideous bangs. (also how the f*ck is she getting by in Monterey, California on her part time petting zoo career choice and not cashing those hush money checks??) So many questions. While this show reminds me how much I love Reese Whiterspoon as an actress, it also reminds me how much I can't unsee her husband as Ben Wyatt, the calzone loving Ice King, from Parks and Rec. Meryl Streep makes an appearance on this season as the dead guy's mom, but looking and acting way too much like a c*nt version of Mrs. Doubtfire. Overall this season has been a snooze so far with a lot of slowly building mental breakdowns and hypothetical divorce scenarios. (cheating, prison, murder, death)
Why are the kids on this show uncomfortably too mature and in touch with their parent's emotions? Aren't they like 7? I was most likely still talking to myself in first grade, not asking my mom "why are you sad and lying about it, please tell me who is doing this to you?" if my mom unintentionally killed someone in season 1. Also Ziggy being told he's the offspring of a rape and just casually addressing it like it was no big deal. I made up I knew was 69ing was until I was in about 7th grade, there is no way I knew what the word rape meant. or sex. or obviously 69ing. I get these are different times, but c'mon. maybe not at age 6. I don't think you even pay for airplane tickets at this age, you definitely still get free kid's menu meals at majority of low budget family food chains, not sure addressing adult's internal emotional issues really meshes well with this. C'mon HBO, know your audience.
Also, how does the Monterey 5 happen to all be driving together when Bonnie is slowly having her mental breakdown just walking aimlessly on the side of the highway mid day. I get it's a small town, but let's be real. Also, maybe try and hid your crazy Bonnie. You legit just killed someone last season, maybe let's try and be low key for a little. I know it's only episode 3, but like a college relationship when someone else is in your DMs giving you attention, I'm already bored. Here's an up close of these "three blind mice" inspired bowl cut bangs. You're welcome.
Stranger Things 3
I'm going to be honest, while I've watched every season of this show, I'm not sure I 100% get it. I know people love it, and I'm not hating on it, I think I've just never been good with rationalizing sci-fi or monsters, and the fact that the "Mind Flayer" or whatever the f*ck it's called slightly resembles what comes out of your clogged drain after you call your maintenance man, really doesn't resonate well with me. This season is insane because the entire town goes to shit and no one seems bothered. Like the pool is gone, the hospital is gone, the mall is gone and everyone is just walking around aimlessly in these abandon homes where it's somehow always raining with no power and has an abundant amount of wind. Also I still can't get over that mom in season 1 losing her job and flat broke asking the grocery store man if she can borrow money for a home phone and he's like "nope can't help" and this woman's son is missing and she can't even get a landline. (home girl is at home talking to Christmas lights for an entire season after that, so I can only imagine that electric bill) But fast forward to this season, and now she's running the store. she sure showed him! She also strikes up a relationship with the police officer but plays hard to get because the world is ending. so many unanswered questions (or maybe I just fell asleep) Mullet Bad Boy Billy from season 2 is now a lifeguard all the moms want to f*ck and somehow gets mixed up with the Mind Flayer and all hell breaks loose. Also, no one is ever in school or at jobs, (even the mayor) and everyone just frequents the mall on a daily basis.
They let Eleven improve her American Girl buzz cut inspired look from the prior seasons, but somehow everyone else still has their season 1-2 bowl cuts and cameltoe. She continues to have her cocaine nose bleeds and now has a ginger friend to add more diversity and women empowerment to the show. The mall somehow is a secret passageway and only the Staff at some off brand Dairy Queen can figure it out. I won't give away too many spoilers because it was entertaining and extremely confusing until it all adds up at the end. (well played Netflix)
Black Mirror
First off, what Season has a total of 3 episodes. I know I tend to half ass things sometimes, but c'mon. Especially after that weird "choose your own ending" season before this, we were hoping for a comeback, not Hannah Montana. They definitely wanted to cover all hot controversial topics in this season (which is hard to do in three episodes) and dedicated one episode to some guy secretly banging his friend via some Nintendo64 alternate dimension. Episode ends with wife being ok with it and letting them get one day a month to f*ck each other via Playstation. Marriage is compromise.
Euphoria
Huge fan of this show. The previews don't really do it justice and just make it seem like it's some cliche troubled teen with glitter everywhere, but it's addicting to watch. Think every possible bad scenario you experienced in high school mixed with every controversial issue in today's society jam packed into a 60 minutes. Drugs, transgender, struggling to come out of the closet, Sugar Daddies, Sex Tapes, Bitcoin, nudes as currency, faking rape, fights, cheating, the list goes on and continues to push the line. Literally everything. The shock value of this show is insane, and it's only a few episodes in. The story is told through Rue's perspective (the drug addict) and her blunt and sarcastic remarks makes it so entertaining. I highly recommend, but just know it's insane.
Handmaid's Tale
Imposters
Chernobyl
Chambers
The Hills: New Beginnings
I'll finish these reviews as the shows continue, but hope you enjoy!
XOXO,
Liz
