"Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Morning"
...and other lies I tell myself on St. Patrick's Day as my alarm goes off at 6am.
March in Chicago is the best. It's that awkward time between "chiberia" and "summertime chi" where the weather is more inconsistent than your feelings towards your newly serious semi-boyfriend. Shamrock shakes are back, March Madness is on, we're dumping 45 pounds of green dye in the river as an excuse to get absolutely hammered- it's the best. It's probably the only time Guiness ever gets any love, (when have you ever gone out, not in Ireland and thought, you know what sounds good, a pitcher of Guiness. it's no joke probably your total caloric intake for the week.) but hey, why not mix it with Jameson and baileys and chug it before it curdles at 7am! what better way to start your st paddy's day off on an empty stomach!
It's always hard to wake up early on a Saturday. But when you're 21-23 and your $20 eventbrite St. Patrick's day bar crawl ticket is "first come first serve" starting at 6am, you've got decisions to make chief. So set 4-5 alarms on that cracked iPhone 7, find some cliche "feelin lucky" shirt on amazon prime and get ready for a day full of green beer and loose women visiting from out of state. (that most likely want to make that slogan on your shirt a reality instead of sleeping on their friend's blow up mattress.)
Dumping 45 pounds of green dye into the river? Sounds like an excuse to drink in Chicago.
Truthfully, I've never physically watched the river get dyed green on St Patrick's Day. (I know, I know...) I've always seen it after and I love it, but hear me out. I'm typically hammered by noon at some overpriced club I've been at since 7am and I'm pretty sure I'll see it on 95% of your instagram stories acting like you've never seen an oil spill before. Probably some "Luck of the CHIrish" caption that your 47 year old aunt will think you cleverly came up with on your own. It almost reminds me of people who record fireworks on fourth of July or their turkey on Thanksgiving. I think it's safe to assume we're all recording the same thing. Much like my ex's dating history, I was curious as to how this all started (and not just as an excuse to get hammered in March, but the tradition itself.) Starting in 1962, the city of Chicago dyed its eponymous river green. The inspiration for the stunt came from pollution-control workers, who used various chemical dyes to trace illegal sewage discharges. The first year, the city dumped 100 pounds of dye into the river, which left it green for an entire week. (yeah that's straight from google, you think I just casually use the word "eponymous" in my day to day life? sit down. haha.) But cheers to drinking to the city's illegal sewage discharge!
March in Chicago is the best. It's that awkward time between "chiberia" and "summertime chi" where the weather is more inconsistent than your feelings towards your newly serious semi-boyfriend. Shamrock shakes are back, March Madness is on, we're dumping 45 pounds of green dye in the river as an excuse to get absolutely hammered- it's the best. It's probably the only time Guiness ever gets any love, (when have you ever gone out, not in Ireland and thought, you know what sounds good, a pitcher of Guiness. it's no joke probably your total caloric intake for the week.) but hey, why not mix it with Jameson and baileys and chug it before it curdles at 7am! what better way to start your st paddy's day off on an empty stomach!
It's always hard to wake up early on a Saturday. But when you're 21-23 and your $20 eventbrite St. Patrick's day bar crawl ticket is "first come first serve" starting at 6am, you've got decisions to make chief. So set 4-5 alarms on that cracked iPhone 7, find some cliche "feelin lucky" shirt on amazon prime and get ready for a day full of green beer and loose women visiting from out of state. (that most likely want to make that slogan on your shirt a reality instead of sleeping on their friend's blow up mattress.)
Dumping 45 pounds of green dye into the river? Sounds like an excuse to drink in Chicago.
Truthfully, I've never physically watched the river get dyed green on St Patrick's Day. (I know, I know...) I've always seen it after and I love it, but hear me out. I'm typically hammered by noon at some overpriced club I've been at since 7am and I'm pretty sure I'll see it on 95% of your instagram stories acting like you've never seen an oil spill before. Probably some "Luck of the CHIrish" caption that your 47 year old aunt will think you cleverly came up with on your own. It almost reminds me of people who record fireworks on fourth of July or their turkey on Thanksgiving. I think it's safe to assume we're all recording the same thing. Much like my ex's dating history, I was curious as to how this all started (and not just as an excuse to get hammered in March, but the tradition itself.) Starting in 1962, the city of Chicago dyed its eponymous river green. The inspiration for the stunt came from pollution-control workers, who used various chemical dyes to trace illegal sewage discharges. The first year, the city dumped 100 pounds of dye into the river, which left it green for an entire week. (yeah that's straight from google, you think I just casually use the word "eponymous" in my day to day life? sit down. haha.) But cheers to drinking to the city's illegal sewage discharge!
Shamrock Shuffle
People who run 5Ks on major holidays are the absolute worst. My greatest fear is marrying into a family that either makes us take Christmas photos in all matching footed pajamas, or run 5Ks on holidays. I'm all for health and wellness, but not out here trying to run some "Shamrock Shuffle" in the suburbs on the greatest drinking day of the year in Chicago. Trust me, my drunk ass will hit 10,000 steps on my own.
St Patrick's Day Attire
Let’s take a moment to discuss the attire people electively chose to wear on St. Patrick’s Day. First off, every girl’s go-to is some Irish themed green tank top they got off etsy. And every girl thinks their low cut graphic tee with some obnoxious “feeling lucky?” Or “kiss me I’m Irish” related phrase is witty and beyond original. Please know it was mass produced. (I also have purchased most of these designs, so not calling you out. They’re witty AF and I can’t wait for my ex to see how funny I am!) Also let’s relax with those little shamrock stickers near our eyes, this is not a 7th grade YMCA dance. Women over 40 should not be sporting any type of attire with glittery shamrocks drawing attention to their chest. (“check out these shamrocks” …maybe in 2005.) Let's maybe also stop making those green arm warmers happen. the look straight off the set of the robber's wardrobe from home alone. is it truly that cold tomorrow that you need to cover only your wrists and palms? Most men are just content to wear anything that is green, but there are always the few that ran up an $100 bill at RagStop or Tipsy Elves getting the most obnoxious attire that they think everyone will think is “hilarious”. In all honesty, it does make them easier to spot if you drunk lose them at a bar, I doubt there are many men in that vicinity in the same green top hat, orange wig, light up shamrock classes and green overalls.
Events in Chicago
You're going to have a blast here regardless of what you do here, promise! But, if you waited til the last minute and you're stressing about what to do on Saturday, don't worry. you're basically 50% of Chicago. So take a Xanax, watch one of those weird ass ASMR food videos, and know we've got you covered with a ton of options. Above are some of our favs, but for more options, (and we've got a bunch!) go to eventbrite.com and search St Patrick's Day Chicago. So have a blast Chicago; Drink too much green beer, drunk text your ex, overuse those little shamrock stickers above your eyes like you're going to an 8th grade school dance, and have a fucking blast in the greatest city that ever was! (not sponsored by Rahm.)
XOXO,
Liz
Overheard in Chicago
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